yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
