Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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