I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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