I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants