Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!