So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.