i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you made out with another girl for some wings
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.