There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
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