did you get engaged???
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
