Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
