Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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