Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I believe in your delicious
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize