I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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