I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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