I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
