i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
