It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
