First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
