How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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