omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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