I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
