The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
