mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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