aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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