I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
