apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
