i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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