btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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