Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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