she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
