he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
