Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
