I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
