i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
