So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
