So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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