She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
