You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there's paper in my vomit.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
