I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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