Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
