i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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