I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
