areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
