Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
