420 ftw
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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