but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
