I hate all girls vehemently.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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