i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
