I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
