somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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