if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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