I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
