i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
