I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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