Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
