i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
