Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
