No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
