He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
