My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Pooping to opera.
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