that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
