Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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