this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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