Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
