i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
