You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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