The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
